hmmph... i once believe in this saying
"爱情多不可靠, 所以我们不要变成情人好不好..."
agree-able?
but... somehow i still feel this way
it scares me somehow...
you wouldnt know what will happen after everything ends
it's just something no one ever understands
love is a word so easy to say
but just so diff to explain
you may be lovers and ended up being enemies
and others remain as the best of friends
it's just the way people handle things.
im afraid
i dont know exactly to explain love but i know
love is when you take away
the feeling, the passion and the romance
in a relationship
and to find out you still care
for that person
true? yupp. true
da princess and her knight:)
she loves him
confessions of a broken heart.-**
sleepy day **yawns.
4:45 PM
slept at 2 plus last night...wake up at ten plus... wakakas. early early... :):):)
hahas... but i went downstairs watch tv...
no show.. boring... den i lie down... staring into space...
thought of nothing den an image drifted past...
it's him?
kkae... cannot think cannot think. den i told myself...
"zhaojie you are to young to be in love"
so yup... cannot think. oh god.
den i just fell asleep again...
this time, i dreamt of him? eeks.
okae... things are getting too freaky nowadays
**yelps. drank honey this morning...
yay!!! finally i can take in some liquid...
hees. although still no appetite
but dinner i will try to eat...
at least alittle...
little by little,
hope it will be better soon.
hope i can resume my appetite by tommorow...
it's da last day... so i must eat the food there...
although it taste yucky but...
the uncle there treat me real good...
found out that typing in this form
is easier to read... wakakas
feeling way way better...
but if he could feel the same for me,
i will be over da moon.
yays, holidays are here...
going out going out
loves da life of being a rich girl
i saved hundred plus le!!!
yay... gna go on a retail therapy
but scared i xintong. oh god....
who cares. it's suppose to make me happy.
yepp... i still wna go to the beach... bring me there will you?
--- open the door to death, end my misery.
love me or just let me go, it's hurting me.
thanks:)
1:52 AM
hey sean... thankies. yepp. thanks for being my listening ear for 24/7 hahas. treasure it lots... anyway im feeling better already. :):):) hahas. thankies. u are a great listener man. wee. give u da good listener award kaes? must be honoured worhs....
are you feeling the same?
1:16 AM
yeps... im trying to believe in things as stupid as love... aint sure why im so stupid, but i just noe i dont feel good seeing you with other girls that's all... i wish for you being by my side.. throwing tanthrums at you and saying sorry after that... is that what they call love? do i really like you? but why does it hurt me so much when you just dont care about me? why do i keep hoping that u will care for me? am i really in love with you? oh god... im confused.
freaking love story of mine is making me go crazy. especially at this moment right now. i just want to know whether you feel the same... i dont need you to love me... but just notice me and somehow care for me... is it too tough? i just wna noe will electricity flow if i look into your eyes... i just want to know... do i stand a chance? i just wna noe, are our hearts beating at the same rate....
this is perhaps what im experiencing through right now.
12:56 AM
- it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never to find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
- a sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means alot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let it go.
- it's true that we dont know what we've got until we lose it , but it's also true that we dont know what we've been missing until it arrives.
- there are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but dont be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from the heart.
- never say goodbye if you still want to try; never give up if you still feel you can go on; never say you dont love a person anymore if you cant let go.
- dont go for looks; they can deveive. dont go for wealth; even that fades away. go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. hop you find the one that makes you smile.
- the beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves and not twist them with our own image-otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
mixed.-**
12:29 AM
my appetite aint coming back... i aint hungry i aint thirsty...
no one cares... maybe just no one wna care
why cant i just die? to end the misery?
err... weitong, i just wna tell u, to leave or not to leave is solely on you. i dont have a say in it. if your friends aint happy with u hanging around with us and that u are losing them, i have nothing better to say but just, sorry. and just because of them and u wna leave us, den i have nothing else to say. i feel the thing u feel, in the family. at least i noe someone would feel the same, someone will be there for me, i always thought it this way that i continue to stay in it.. but this time round, perhaps its different. u asked me to leave with u.. but hey... u have many other circles of friends, i dont. we are different. if im lonely and no one's there to accompany me.. would u be there??? impossible- anyway, da mang ren. guess u had long forgotten our promise... while, they said promises arent meant to be broken, but i dont believe in it. and this serves as an evidence. u just broke our promise. although u had promised from the start, i knew u wouldnt mean it and i told myself not to pin high hopes on it. but i couldnt. maybe i really thought u would keep promises. but this time round, im wrong. tell me im wrong about u.
**yelps.** just gulp down a sip of water. and **pukes** out it goes again. im not suffering from bulimia. maybe i just dont have the appetite. perhaps it's time to let my tears to freedom... tonight might be the night my tears play on my face.
appetite... come back please?
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
6:04 PM
hmm...
have da urge to let my tears to play
maybe this could help me in some way
could this be da remedy
to keep my heart from tearing
maybe after my tears had it's freedom
my appetite might be back.
wishes.-**
sleeping day.
5:06 PM
slept around 1 plus yesterday cause i was listening to yirui's preaching haha. :)
gosh. flu.cough.headache all coming back again... the worst is... pimples yuck!!! eew... i can sense the coming of my fever... sometimes i love to be sick... cause it's the time u get to find out who really cares. XD
woke up at 1 plus... brush my teeth.. wash my face and all the usual stuffs and ahha!!! apply pimple cream haha. saw my sis using com and another sleeping... den i went downstairs, my dad drinking coffee, my mum eating soon-kueh, my bro eating prawn noodles and my maid eating prawn noodles. is my appetite coming? **shake heads** duno why i'm full... my mum ask me to eat... i said no and im full.... watched tv... hey it's boring la. no nice shows. den yupp... 2.14pm i fell asleep again. wakakas. sleepy zhu XP woke up at 5pm yeps... thought my appetite would be back but... i opened the fridge, nah. close it again. went to the tibits corner... still full... what about some water? nopes, aint thirsty... went up to use the com. saw my two sisters sleeping my brother sleeping my parents sleeping... so is this how we are going to celebrate this festive season? ROARS``` and kid's central is being changed to vasantham central.... so early lorhs... not even the time yet... make me more bored, grrrr...
yep... so the com and im now blogging. "ooosh" cold. out of nowhere cold wind. eek-ies.-**
still currently blogging. so sick but im not gna take medicine. okay fine my dad and mum wake up liao... heard her voice... hopes to get my appetite back before dinner. i must definitely eat something... right??? why am i so so so so full??? dont tell me im starving myself again. but this time, it's definitely not because of him ...
im full... but why... i've not eaten for like... more than half a day le larhs. anyone can win me? wakakas. my stomach aint even growling..... :(
trying to look normal... trying to not look unwell but... is it working out?
**manly voice**
aarghs.
Monday, October 23, 2006
10:32 PM
so sad so bad. im sicked. weeeeee~ finally, im sick. hmmph, anyone to console me now? feeling real low low low low. grr. how? my voice seems man right now... dont get shocked if u hear my voice kaes??? **coughcough** [[running nose]]
hmm... got back da streaming slip.. **yelps** i've got only one option. pathetic? yep... option a... roars` it's like da 'd' class which teachers cordon it as the lousiest class. feel so rotten with this shit-ified results. p-eew? hais. so sad. eh weitong. come on larhs. at least u did better than me lorhs... i should be the one that needs to be consoled la please... den ended up i console u... aargh... where's the law??? poof.-**
lent andy my pe shirt. hey!!! it's size 38 horhs. very big lorhs.(for me larhs, that is) wakakas. he went to play bball with it... i was like, err... u sure? very smelly de leis. den he say sure, nevermind... den he say my shirt so small... later jump le jiu show belly button liao. den i was like den u must play at the court near the toilet... not the one facing canteen cause if anyone that's so unfortunate to eat facing u... he/she might straight away puke... den he was like sexy leis. hah.
he said my shirt smells nice. and i was like... what??? u mean my perspiration smells nice??? unbelievable. eeks. haha. den he say he's having a tough time taking it out. omg... is he enlarging my shirt? o.0" cannot be barhs... if not that shirt i wear sure zou-guang le lorhs. aarghs.
someone can anyone somehow console me just alittle little? im so gna cry my heart out!!!! i hate maths!!! it pulls my results down... sadsadsad. realsadrealsad. ROAR` i seriously need someone to console me right now. =/
shopping
Sunday, October 22, 2006
10:26 PM
yeahs!!! went to bugis with my sister and bought one purple off shoulders and one white tube!!!! nice :):):) love it. hahas.we went to eat mos burger for dinner and yupp... we were at bugis street and ahha!!! bargains!!! wees. didnt spend much today... wakakas. my sis's buying balloon sleeves shirts hah. it's da latest trend. smiles:)
headache.
1:24 PM
oooh. headache. saw his name on msn today... suddenly felt weird and kinda lost... hmm... duno why am i feeling like this. wna talk to him but couldnt pluck up my courage. read my sis magazine... the horoscopes says you will feel burden with many aspects of life but he can help u relieve it, only if u let him... and it was like way way way back in july.... and the first person that came into my mind was him... sadcase. should had read this magazine earlier but it's too late. sometimes only when u lose something den u noe how much u would cherish it... i duno why. i dun seem too think of him often but it's like sudden pop-ups. how i wish i could be a computer... to be able to block out pop-ups as and when i like. it's only when i see him, see his name or photo den i felt heart-wrenching, den i wish so hard that i had cherish him.
turn out the lights,
shut my eyes tight
tugg myself into bed
after sometime,
i realised..
i was just tossing around on the bed
fighting with my brains
with deep thoughts and emotions.
i hated the feeling
of having sleepless nites
cause its the time when i started feeling lonely.
and everyone seems to be away
and im left all alone in the room.
that i can reach out to no one
all i could do was hugging onto my bloster tight
when im tearing apart inside.
i noe at least my bloster would be there for me.
i wish for a getaway,
i just need to unwind.
im feeling suffocated.
im lost.
im confused.
im upset.
im very very upset with the way things are right now.
although i wish as hard for things to get better someday somehow somewhere.
but..... it just seems....i dunno.
im just lost.
im shattered into a million pieces.
for once, i hope it'll get better when i awake.
lost my appetite
now and again
wish for the times
he ordered me to eat.
i would say no
but after reading through the messages
of how he cared
i couldnt care less
but to eat again
felt so full and tell him that i ate a mouthful or so
he came calling and saying me
you have to eat
u are thin
all i do was to abide by him
i ate more.
one day, i nearly puked.
i told him, his heart turned sour
ever since then,
i tell him that i ate even if i didnt
i didnt want him to worry
but sorry i had cheated.
somehow on someday
i felt real tired.
tired of his naggings which never ends
i knew he wanted things that are better for me
but i didnt care for his feelings and said
you are worse than my nanny
i called him mummy
he declined i dun wna be your mother he said
i wanted to be something more
im too shy but to change subject.
all i remembered was i playing with his hands
his arms around my waist.
although it was just a short period of time
but it will linger for eternity.
stuffs just ended
i was just wilful
but dont worry, i told you before
i will be strong
it's just a bruise
it will heal...
ROARS
Saturday, October 21, 2006
11:59 PM
hahas. went orchard with my sister and brother... wees... but so sad they bought stuffs i didnt **pouts** anyway went to watch rob-b-hood. at least someone bothers to watch it with me. hahas. lols... yep kinda agree with weitong that you must have more than a circle of friends. hahs. andy asked me out for movies... he wna watch the deathnote. but i tell him that nicholas said that the deathnote isnt that satisfying... and horror movies are a great nono to me. its over my dead body if you want me to watch it... hahas. anyways went far east first... it was suppose to be me shopping but it ended up with my sis and brother. my sis stopped over at a shop and spent seventy plus dollars on 2 shirt and i was like... " jie, very expensive leis.." den she was like "aiya, i very long never go shopping liao" den she gave that i should pamper myself more kinda look. my sis was like "eh, see anything u like den buy lorhs. anyway what are credit cards for?" i was like ohman sis u rule. but the stuffs i set my eyes upon are kinda ermm... expensive and err... let's say, mature? so my sis was like change your dressing style man... give your friends a shock!!!i was like... if i ever i would be the first to be shocked. **laughs. den we went 77th street, i told my sis about the jacket which i set my eyes upon den she was like "jie, go in and find the jacket that u want..." den i searched high and low for it but to no avail. grr... den this is when my brother spoke" jie... my slipper no friction le, can buy slippers?" den my sis was like kae. which one u like u just ask the sales lady to take it out for u... sadness.. after that shop, we went walking to cineleisure, walked pass taka and went to buy yami yoghurt!!! the jumbo size... indeed yummy.wees. den went to cineleisure. my sis went to collect the tickets while my brother and i went to queue for the lvl 2 hongkong cuisine restaurant. the beef horfun is like so so so so nice larhs. haha. the milk tea there rules. it's way better than the one opp mfss... **ooopx!!** no offence, auntie :) den we took neos and upupup and away to level nine... rob-b-hood here i come!!! hahas. the baby is like so cute larhs. haha. after the movie was like around tenplus? went to shop around there for awhile, saw i rainbow pouch... ohman, it's so nice!!! its was like love at first sight larhs. but its small and cost $7.95 den my sis say u want is it? you wsant den buy lorhs. den i was siao arhs? so expensive... your heart not pain i pain arhs!!! anyway did i mention i saw jinhao? ohya... it was while i was walking to the cineleisure that time. hahas... everything ended my sis wanted to hail a cabbie home and i was like... so full... we walk to the bus stop larhs... den she was like... huh? ok lorhs... wakakas. board the bus and she was like " zhaoqi, u today very happy horhs?" den he was like **nod heads** ya. den "zhaojie, u today not happy horhs?" den i was like **nod heads** too and ya... slept around 2 am plus.... i so being an owl... wees~
LOATHES-
Friday, October 20, 2006
10:53 AM
aaaaaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are watching silk so im not going to watch. bored bored bored..... weitong kept me somehow entertained by messaging me... i wna go to da beach... wna shout shout shout shout shout!!!!! duno why i like so crazy like that... hais... boring... just found out that there's a stupid person that tag at auntiegang's blog. ``ROARS`` u guys are seriously pitting yourselves against us. aaaarrrrggghh, saying you are just a passerby is seriously a big big cannot be. anyway. i seriously hate kpo rubberneckers like YOU. aint a good person.
so crazy family is like kinda bored recently.... heard that if shermaine joins den yeekhang will join to just to balance off.... im like what the hell.... i dun really talk to them de lorhs. den its like weird larhs. why must add people in? so mafan. cant we stay like how we use to be? just da 8 of us...?
lucky nobody isnt tagging yet. wakakakas. maybe thankks to andy barhs??? lucky no one come kajiao me... hees. wees~~~ bored to death.
grr....got my results yesterday it aint that satisfying though- kinda had a d7 for maths. failed by 3 marks!!!! not fair not fair!!!! den i got 6 in class!!! i improved. but 119 in the whole level... suay-ness. badbadbad. but mr wee said i had improved. so he ws like saying goodgoodgood... but i say i cant get into a good class. but he say dun worry tomorrow's promotion day... den i was like... what? tomorrow which is today is promotion day den how can u expect me not to worry....
world war 3???
Thursday, October 19, 2006
7:58 PM
wa... today damn suay larhs. yanjun and siying was like scolded for nothing lorhs. it was like ah ben and yanjun was talking den jocelyn kau was somewhere near. but we took no notice of her. den ah ben said "ji bong" as he cant say vulgar languages or he will owe us chocs. den yanjun was like "ji shen me? ji shen me?" den jocelyn came over and knock yanjun and was like "ni bu yao tai guo fen hor" den yanjun was like damn shocked larhs. it was like not her fault? and yanjun said about the friendster message thing... den jocelyn was like " soooorrryy lorhs" with that kinda face and gesture of her's u sure noe it's NOT SINCERE. den yanjun was like u mean if i kill someone den i say sorry everything would be over? den pause... cause i went to buy water. when i came back, things got worse... siying came in and said " you live up to your surname" den jocelyn pushed her kinda hard and started poking her i was like "ouch??" den she said " bu yao wu ru wo de surname lorhs. zhe jian shi wei shen me yao jiang dao wo de fu mu?" den i was like if people say "u live up to your surname" you should be happy ma. duno what's the prob with her. den joy kept shouting for them to stop till everybody looked at us.. malu...hais. den zhiwei came from afar... yeah!!! he's like the hero of the day!!! he pushed jocelyn and she said "push what" den zhiwei was like " what happened" den jocelyn said "she scolded my surname" den he said " ni de surname bu shi gou lorhs!!" den jocelyn was like "ni zai shuo duo yi ci" den he said "gou lorhs" den she threw the whole bottle of water that she was drinking at zhiwei den the bottle hit siying's ear while the bottle was on the way to zhiwei.. hmm i was like poor aiming. den zhiwei wanted to start a fight and it was then mr edwin ho came and stopped everything... grr... i wanted to see what would happen next!!! den somehow weihao bumped into mr ho den mr ho wanted him to stand there with zhiwei jocelyn siying and weihao was like "i need to cool down" den mr ho say come here and cool down den weihao said " i see you i cannot cool down" mr ho laughed den i laughed too... it's funny. den overall she had such a small pile of friends while us??? a huge group... wakakas. den during assembly siying and yanjun was pulled out to clarify things and yanjun complained about web-abuse. jocelyn sent her an friendster message which kinda hurt people... but mr ho dun wan to see... as he said let the matter rest... grrr....haha. end up jocelyn cried and said sorry. hopes she's sincere this time round. weees... it's over!!!
da above statement is on what i can recall larhs. anything wrong dun blame me wors...
grrr.... marcus(2c) made fun of me while i was in assembly today. he asked mark to sit infront of me. and mark somehow asked marcus to give me the "love letter" he wrote to me... manda and i was like eew??? he wrote... i have liked you for 1 year 5 months... den duno what hope u can accept me... aiya!!! stupid stuffs. den i return the letter back to him. i was like eew eew eew eew eew!!!! aargh... help me!!!!!!
went to bugis with jiamin weitong and yanjun... she went to buy her xuan... den when we went home... yanjun and us went on seperate side... den we decided to take to marina bay and back to bishan but... so suay... while we were in marina bay... we had to change sides and when i ran through, the door closed and left jiamin and weitong out there..... grr... so waited for them at dhobyghaut. grr... den a bunch of boys walked pass me and whistled while i was in the mrt station... den i was like..." what the hell?" den a guy came towards me... i was like quick open the door as the train had reached. i saw jiamin and weitong in it... save me... i thought. as he walked closer, i spured in... lucky he didnt came any nearer... phew... unlucky eh???
wakakas. stupid nobody aka xiaoxiao. impersonated carlene on fiona's blog, and manda on carlene's blog and fiona on manda's blog... lame shit larhs. so wu liao....
its a bad bad day... haha. naughty nicholas pon school today... aiya maybe cause it was presbyterian high's holiday and he wanted to accompany dorita or something... haha. laughs. nicholas u are BAD!!!!
poof.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
6:29 PM
angryangryangryangryangry. i sort of the last girl to be informed of like everything... grr. stupid msg uncle. hate him!!!! im the last to know!!!! the last grr.... they were like together on sunday and i only get to know it on tuesday. aarrgggghhhhh~ i am so so so so pissed. **screams**
okay. dun talk on msg anymore. anyway kinda long time didnt blogg lerhs. sadcase. today is da post-exams games day. grr... im like the time keeper and everone thinks im the referee. not fair!!!! den im like there for err... 6 consecutive games in court one for soccer and 2 for court 2 and for the finals too... under the red hot sun lorhs. wa... i become roasted pig le larhs... but i earned choco from marcus(2c) and chewing gum from sean (2b) and marcus even gave me tissue. thoughtful barrhs. gees. who gets such great treatment by just being a time keeper aye??? hahas. so getting roasted aint such a bad idea:) ohya!!! timmy owes me drinks cause i said, if u win u treat me to lunch if u lose u treat me drinks!!! hahas. meanie meanie. but who cares. wakakas. he won... so yupp. drinks please~ hahas. ms chew says im dark too. eew eew eew eew eew i dun wna be black bird nonononono!!! ohya 2bc were such nuisance at the court 1 today **no offence** anyway who cares if i offended anyone, haha. cause i said it's my blog... if u feel offended, just scram!!! they were like erm... keep playing with da soccer ball in the court. even when it isnt their turn. they just dont budge!!! and when i ask them to move, the shouted vulgarities. aarrrggghhh- NOT FAIR LARHS!!!! grrr...
school sells sports bra???1 for $7.90.... wakakas.not interested at all. hahas. and there's this stupid policeman who keep scolding "basket" haha. u noe i noe what it means. haha. den he was like take one. ((da notebook pamphlet pen post-it pads)) and im ordered to as he said it's an instruction. grr... hahas. watched movie in theatherette today. the guys are simply stinking the whole room larhs!!!! unbearable smelly freaks. nearly cried. but i holdback my tears!!! hahaha. i didnt cry!!! hurrays for me!!! **cheers** yipppees~
cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
IM BEING BULLIED!!! ```ROARS.
I HATE NICHOLAS.
IM NO LONGER HIS NIECE.
I SHALL SEVERE ALL TIES WITH HIM
`ROARS`
THIS IS WHAT HE GETS FOR BULLYING ME
I HATE HIM
LOATHESOME.
hhahha. just kidding llarrhs.
SMILES PEOPLE!!!! :):):):):):):):):):) EXAMS ARE OVER!!! HAPPY HOUR!!!!!!
♥KARYL!